Drinking From the Tap: Examined and Explained

Greetings, all.

Since the dawn of time, I have been shouted at for drinking from the tap instead of using a glass/cup etc.
Every time my mother or granny shouts at me, I try to explain how it is not dirty but they refuse to listen.

I figure that perhaps others will listen.

THIS IS A TAP

THIS IS A GLASS

So, the average person would probably pour water from the tap into the glass and drink it from there... correct?

Drinking from a glass

Now, is this healthy and correct?

What about this:

Drinking from the tap

I do this all the time. Is this wrong? Why is it considered to be dirty?

Okay, so let's look at this from a "bad germs and dirt" point of view.
Let's make this quantifiable as well.

Okay. So let's say the water that passes through the tap has 1 unit of dirt. (This is an assumed and hypothetical amount. Just to be fair in the argument.)
Perhaps we'll say that the external part of the tap that does NOT come into contact with the water has 1 unit of dirt on it too.
Let's say the glass has 1 unit of dirt in it (Yes. Even if it has been cleaned before use.).
And finally let's say your hands have 2 units of dirt on them (since human hands are supposedly very dirty, even when washed.)

So, now that we have a hypothetical factual and quantifiable environment, let's break this down into 4 scenarios.

SCENARIO 1:
DRINKING FROM A GLASS

Okay, so this is the norm for us humans. The expected situation for all people that have any idea of etiquette.
So, we're opening the tap, pouring the water from the tap into the glass and then we drink from there.
Now if you remember, the water has 1 unit of dirt and the glass has 1 unit of dirt.
So this scenario gives us a total of 2 units of dirt.

SCENARIO 2:
DRINKING WITH YOUR HANDS

Now, we come to a more primitive method of collecting and drinking water from a tap: Using hands.
Here, we open the tap, let water collect in our hands and then drink it from there.
Going back to our dirt count, the water has 1 unit of dirt and our dirty human hands have 2 units of dirt because we collect dirt from everything we hold or touch (no, washing your hands does not destroy all the dirt).
This scenario gives us a total of  3 units of dirt.

SCENARIO 3:
DRINKING FROM THE TAP (TOUCHING TAP)

Sigh... Yes, it's a cat.
[Internet explodes with awws, giggles and kitty praises]
Anyway, I think very few people do this compared to the previous two and the one remaining scenario, but this is a scenario nonetheless so I shall incorporate it into the bigger picture.
Okay, so we open the tap, put our mouth TO THE TAP, drink water, close the tap.
Now, because there's contact with the rest of the tap, we'll assume that the dirt from there joins the water on the adventure into your mouth.
So, there would be 1 unit of dirt from the water, and an additional 1 unit of dirt from the external part of the tap that you're touching with your mouth.
That gives us a total of 2 units of dirt.

SCENARIO 4:
DRINKING FROM THE TAP (NOT TOUCHING TAP)

Ah, our final scenario and the one that we want to check.
Okay, so as you're all aware by now, this is what I do often.
Now as the simplest and quickest method, we only open the tap and drink the water.
There's 1 unit of dirt in the water and... oh wait. THAT's ALL.
Yes, that's right. The total for this scenario is 1 unit.

CONCLUSION:
The cleanest way to drink from a tap is by mouth but without tap contact.

Anybody that complains about me doing this may now eat their words... and also eat the dirt that you got by resorting to the dirtier methods of drinking water.

QED